Snow Dreams

For those of you who knew me in high school, you know that I was an avid Nordic (cross-country) skier. One of the reasons why I picked Norway to spend my year abroad was the allure of a country rooted in the sport, where there is no separate ski culture- it just is culture. This is the land of skiing legends! When I decided to choose to come here for my year abroad, many folks asked "Why Norway?" Those that know me well just smiled, nodded and said "So you're bringing your skis?"

Last fall, as I was throwing around the idea of spending a year away from this incredible new life I had just created in California, I wrote the following to try to sort out my feelings:

My strongest dreams are encrusted in snow. Frosted trees and perfect grooming in West Yellowstone, the “Snow Farm” of New Zealand, and glacier cruising in Scandinavia fill my thoughts when I need to escape. What am I doing here on the coast in snow-starved Arcata, CA? There is a possibility that my call for “something different” may have been too extreme. Should I retrace my steps, acknowledge my falter in judgment and choose a school with snow and skiing accessibility? Or should I stick it out, learn a new sport, embrace my new (incredible) team, and be ever so grateful when I return to those groomed trails of my dreams?

On the topic of Nordic, I trace back to why I love the sport so much. It comes down to three main facets: My coaches and team, the intensity of training and racing, and the outdoor nature of the sport.

My coaches were more than I could have ever asked for. Strong, intelligent, experienced men and women, with real lives, ready to impart to you all they knew. And so many of them! They performed workouts with us, raced every interval on our ski tails, and dedicated so much more time than they were ever paid for. The team was based on goals and fun, doing well and having a blast.

Nordic was, by far, the hardest thing I have ever done. There were days when I was not sure I could make it back to the cabin. The racing was breathtaking- literally. I pushed myself so hard (physically and mentally) that I thought I would never become lazy in my whole life. Sitting here now, I long so badly to have that back! It was something that I loved working my body to the limits for everyday. That is missing. 


I was outside everyday, with just the trees and the silent snow and the moose. I always say that this is my church. This is my communion and confession and prayer meeting. This is where I can sort things out, think over difficult decisions, and make choices about my life. 

With that missing, I feel somewhat lost. I don’t have the “me” time any longer, and I feel a sense of floating. If I could have one or two good skis, I could tell you if I was going to take the bike trip, make my decision about a major, and decide about studying abroad. It clears the mind.

Is it terrible that I am dependant on that link in order to happily live my life? Why is it that I can’t make those important decisions now, without skis on my feet? Am I using skiing and snow as a crutch for my happiness? I’m not sure. All I know is that we make the life that we want to live. I chose to place myself in Arcata, and I have had a great reward for it- I have met the man of my dreams. Let me tell you, I am completely thrilled that we agree that snow is an integral part of our future. So now, I must follow my heart and go with the weather. Go to the snow.